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Music makes Kids confident, States this parent

Here’s an honest confession — every one of us as parents have dreams, desires and aspirations. It all right to want our kids to become happy doing exactly what they want for themselves, however no parent could deny nurturing fantasies for their kids – which he or she hopes will be fulfilled someday.

I have always wanted my kids, child Naman, 12, and kid Mannat, eight, to receive the excellent gift of music. I’ve always wanted these to be associated with the beautiful universe of sound, rhythm, music, through musical tools or even the vocal or dance mediums.

Today both the kids sing and play tunes (whilst receiving training in classical music) and also have performed at prestigious platforms, across various genres — from Sufi to bhajans to ghazals and Hindi film numbers. Apart from the grace of God I feel this is caused by their hard work – and since our entire family has been employed as a team to make things happen.

There’s a saying by the smart writer and poet Kahlil Gibran I keep reminding myself of — “Children came through you but not from you and though they are with you yet they belong not to you.” Children aren’t our possessions. They are people in their own right, you cannot throw or throw upon them what you believe is right. However, that should not stop you from attempting to ‘influence’ them should you feel a new interest or a fire discovered will improve their own lives. The urge to do anything must emanate from inside these, but every parent I feel must try at times to kindle the fire, ignite the spark.

It started quite by chance – while still cleaning the attic in the home – I chanced upon a harmonium I’d like to perform as a child. Remembering the few (three to four years) I’d spent studying to play the instrument (after which it accumulated dust) I felt sad to see this beautiful work of art lying unused and undesirable, and that too in a household where art and education had always been invited. I remember how much parental support and advice I’d received from my parents, especially my mother, and how sad she was when I stopped my music training.

My son was all of four decades afterward — too young to learn, I thought. But expect awakened, and a couple of days later I met his guru-to-be, Jitender Nirala, a music teacher at a school in Dwarka, that had visited our house for a prayer service. As soon as I asked him to teach my son, his first question was whether the little boy could be curious. Much to my disappointment, even when we asked Naman, he refused to entertain such ideas.

However, Nirala had a suggestion — that I should first begin training to ensure my son could be prompted to take up singing.

The kids with their ‘guruji’ Jitender Nirala . (Sourced)

Though this thought seemed somewhat strange I wanted to give it a try. Soon, I had been singing bhajans — memorising almost 20 of these, gradually losing trust as my child paid no interest to what I had been doing and could be busy working round the house, playing. However, I persevered and interestingly, it had been while I had been practising the 21st bhajan he walked around me without as far as batting an eyelid said:”I could play it better.”

There’s been no turning back.

My experience taught me that there’s 100% truth in the statement — kids follow exactly what parents “do” rather than what they “state”. At that time, I had been expecting my second child and still feel because of all of the music about us, Mannat’s musical travel magically started before she even physically entered the world.

Today music is as integral part of both the children’s lives. Only another day Naman went for a zonal competition and won the prize. He also Mannat have both performed at the Dilli Haat amphitheatre at Janakpuri and at the Radhakrishnan Auditorium and also for many other school competitions.

Nirala additionally introduced the kids with their classical music coach who we address as Bhawna “ji”. She’s trained in Hindustani classical music from Gandharva Mahavidyalaya at New Delhi and requires classes twice a week. So, together with Nirala, the kids have three days of training per week.

I think this discipline has given them the confidence to participate eagerly in competitions – from public speaking, to quiz and dramatics, aside from being routine with their professors. So far, I have seen that those that are exposed to fine arts are common in all from professors to interpersonal connections to behaviour and treatment of others. They are proven to be frequently both sensible and sensitive.

Another individual that has played an important part in developing their fire is my mother. She encourages them to do their riyaaz regularly and makes certain they have rehearsed well before a performance.

Request Mannat about her favorite performance and she says, ” It was through the monsoon once I staged ‘Jhooti mooti mitwa aawan bole’ in the movie Rudali with my brother playing the harmonium and it really drizzled.”

Music is comfort. It helps him “cool” and can be really a stress buster, thanks to this very calming classical ragas. He resembles his riyaaz to unwind after a busy day.

“Classical music is a favorite as that is a foundation for all music. In addition, I love to sing bhajans, Hindi and Hindi movie songs. After studying classical I feel I will sing all genres better since I have more control. My favorite ragas differ based on my moods but I still enjoy raag Shankara and Vrindavani Sarang a great deal,” he adds.

Anyone interested in classical music cannot enhance one’s performance without riyaaz — and it’s as important as revision of English, science and maths subjects, which you can not improve one’s performance in class,” feels Naman. He does riyaaz three to four times per week “although I wish I can do it more frequently,” he says.

Naman feels lucky to have obtained the “best professionals possible who allow me to feel comfortable and I really enjoy singing with them.”

An unforgettable performance because of him was Delhi’s Air Force Auditorium where he sang a bhajan with his guruji, Nirala, playing the tabla.

In addition, I feel music has helped the kids develop finer sensibilities — they could love a fantastic piece and shun numbers which are too dull or loud.

The author is an independent writer.

    An Anxious Jewish Mother Feels a Parent

    I’m not built to be a free-range mother. I’m nervous and over-protective by nature, and many years of experience as a social worker’ve just increased my knowledge of everything that may happen to my daughters, from sexual abuse to traumatic brain injuries. If I had my way, my girls would not leave the home without a GPS monitoring device, a helmet, a phone, and a Taser Jr..

    And so I was surprised as anyone when I realized I had begun free-range parenting my daughters, ages 7 and 8.5. The women may spend weekend afternoons running into your neighbors’ home, then occasionally another neighbors’ home, and eventually either my spouse or I end up texting another parents on the block so as to figure out where they are.

    We went with all the girls’ day school. We spent the weekend on the cornerstone of a Jewish summer camp with a bunch of different families, and from Friday night to Sunday morning, I wasn’t entirely certain where my daughters were unless they had been eating, sleeping, or playing in the lake. Spending the weekend drinking coffee and chatting with other parents (rather than hovering over my kids) got me really thinking. How did I become a free-range parent? And when I, the Mother of Anxious Jewish mothers, can do it, can’t anyone?

    The answer is, well, kind of, but not for the reasons you’d think. Despite what a selection of parenting specialists and opinionators might have you believe, the capability to free-range parent’s comparatively little to do with the true parent. Our individual need or commitment to letting our kids off the leash is one relatively small factor in the grand scheme of things.

    Instead, it’s almost entirely a mixture of good timing, superior luck, community support, and an ample dose of privilege.

    First, my women are now old enough, healthy enough, and usually trustworthy enough to be permitted to wander. Before this year, they just were too young to play independently, as I couldn’t always rely on them to make safe choices or come get my spouse or wife when things went wrong. They are also young enough that I’m not yet concerned about drunk driving or date rape; summit elementary school is in fact the sweet spot for play.

    I’m also blessed to have kids who can normally be trusted, that look out for each other, and that are healthy enough to be in their own. This last point is a significant one; my old daughter had an asthma attack back in school that demanded a 911 call in the college, which certainly set us back a year or two. (Nothing produces a mother twist the leash greater than the possibility that her kiddo could suddenly stop breathing.)

    Moreover, all their individual wandering happens in the context of the community, either in our neighborhood or at school events. We’re lucky enough to reside in an unusually safe city, the women visit a tiny Jewish day school in which most of the families know each other and feel a sense of responsibility for each other, and our home is about a densely populated road where the homes are only a couple of feet apart from each other. The women don’t have to move far to feel as though they’re in their own, and even if they’re out of my stove, I trust my friends, neighbors, and fellow parents to keep an eye on these.

    Underlying all this, clearly, is our privilege, a reality that maynot, and should not, be underestimated. We’re white Americans with sufficient cash to reside in the city of our picking and also to send our allies daily college. This means that when strange adults visit my children alone, they’re a lot more inclined to not just help them, yet to provide me my spouse the benefit of the doubt. Sadly, the exact same isn’t necessarily accurate for families of colour, immigrant families, or those facing poverty or other economic hurdles, that are a lot more likely to face important consequences should they abandon their kids.

    A few of those factors –such as my kids ‘ age (both developmental and physical), the colour of their skin, and their health status, are outside my control. Providentially, the most important element  isn’t.

    The Truth is that my daughters’ liberty, and my own skill to independently parent them, is entirely dependent on the other adults within our area, and also the extent to which we trust each other to watch out for our kids.     In reality, in most communities across the spectrum of expertise, parents have the ability to defeat the burdens of modern life by banding together and keeping an eye on others offpsring.

    So, next time you neglect yourself for being too over-protective or worried about your children’s liberty, remember, it’s not entirely about you. The capability to free-range parent takes a delicate mix of variables which are, to a degree or another, outside of your control. A hyper-anxious Jewish Mama can free-range parent under the very best of conditions, so it’s incumbent upon each of us to do what we can to support our fellow parents that are also doing their very best to raise happy, independent kids.

    College Student, Father Face Charges in Death of Student’s Mother

    College Student, Father Face Charges in Death of Student’s Mother

    Karrie Neurauter, a student at Rochester Institute of Technology, has pleaded not guilty.

    Spectacular Video Shows Troopers Arrest Man Wanted in Assessing of Ex-Wife

    New Jersey State Police released this video showing a magnificent arrest in a parking garage. Lloyd Neurauter is charged with murder in the August departure of Michele Neurauter. (Published Saturday, Jan. 27, 2018)

    A New York college student hasn’t guilty in the death of her mom, that prosecutors say was staged to look like a suicide.

    Corning police this week charged 20-year-old Karrie Neurauter, of Syracuse, along with her father, 45-year-old Lloyd Neurauter, of North Brunswick, New Jersey, with second-degree murder in the August departure of 46-year-old Michele Neurauter.

    Karrie Neurauter, a student at Rochester Institute of Technology, pleaded guilty Friday afternoon and will be held in county jail without bail. Her lawyer had no comment about websites. Lloyd Neurauter, Michele Neurauter’s ex-husband, has been held in New Jersey impending extradition after his dramatic arrest in Princeton which was caught on camera.

    “Mr. Neurauter threatened to jump off a five-story parking garage but Princeton Police, New Jersey State Police detectives accompanied by a member of the New York State Police were able to talk him out of doing so at about seven p.m.” Town of Corning Police Chief Jeff Spaulding said, based on NBC affiliate WETM.

    Police state Michele Neurauter died of strangulation at her Corning home. Police say that they had responded to numerous domestic violence calls there.

    Officials didn’t reveal a potential motive or method of passing.

    Copyright Associated Press / NBC New York

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    Photo: House fire claims lives of father, mother and their children in Jos, Plateau State

    Tragedy struck Madaki Street, Bukuru metropolis of Jos-South Local Government Area at Plateau State on Saturday  following a morning fire claimed the lives of a couple and their three children.

    The deceased have been identified as his wife Maryam, 35-year-old Adam along with their three kids; Ibrahim Abdul and Fatima. The only surviving member Amina, of this household is said to be residing with her family members.

    An eyewitness said neighbors were alerted about the flame around from their apartment’s poorly constructed wooden kitchen.

    Yusuf Abubakar, another neighbour, stated they were eventually able to put the flame around 4am but the household had been swallowed.

    Plateau State Police Command’s Public Relations Officer.

    By Linda Ikeji at 10/12/2017 9:55 PM

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    Children not Secure outside Colleges, warns mother

    The suspect was tackled by a learner.

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    How can their kids be tortured by parents?

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    Media captionShackled siblings: What people know about their lives

    David and Louise Turpin stand accused of carrying their 13 kids.

    The allegations of torture appear impossible to understand in places such as Disneyland out near the family photographs circulated in the media that reveal the group .

    We asked experts in psychiatry, child abuse and psychology parents can turn in their offspring.

    How odd is it to lock up your children?

    The Turpins’ case is outstanding for reasons – especially because the allegations are against two parents who had children together.

    Prof Browne, manager of the Centre for Forensic and Family Psychology in the University of Nottingham, states it’s more common to observe cases where there’s 1 child and parents or the parent can’t cope, so the situation spirals out of control.

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    Media captionPolice chief: “I would call that torture”

    Dr Bernard Gallagher, a child protection expert in the University of Huddersfield, states: “I visit a good deal of instances of negligence, where children aren’t fed or cleaned correctly, however you don’t often get examples of children being tortured, in which the misuse appears calculated”

    Can parents operate as an abusive group?

    “When you get two people working together, they encourage each other and their behaviour gets ordinary to these,” states Coral Dando, a psychology professor at London’s University of Westminster. “They behave in ways they would never behave by themselves.”

    Picture copyrightEPA
    Picture caption The Turpin’s home in Perris, California

    Though, 1 spouse can be controlled and led on by the other, ” she adds. “We tend to think about the as girls being coerced into actions by a man, since it’s more typical, but that is not always correct.”

    How can misuse escalate?

    After announcing that the charges against the Turpins district attorney Mike Hestrin explained the mistreatment seemed to intensify over the time. “What started out as negligence became intense, pervasive, prolonged child abuse,” he explained.

    Louise Turpin’s sister told Good Morning America even though she found their parenting style had been strict, she remained with the family and saw no specific signals of abuse.

    Prof Browne states because the perpetrators wish to hide a family secret, perhaps concerning the abuse a situation can suddenly get worse.

    “At some stage, it becomes out of control, physically and socially, and they [the parents] have to control freedom of movement so the info can’t be shared,” he states.

    Media playback is unsupported in your device

    Media captionDavid Turpin (R) and his wife Louise Turpin (L) deny charges of torture

    Dr Eileen Vizard, a consultant child and adolescent psychiatrist at UCL Great Ormond Street Institute of Child Health, states: “I can’t comment specifically on present or past scenarios, but according to published research evidence and my clinical experience, examples of extreme abuse happen often involved children who are hidden out from ‘plain sight’.”

    “They might live with their families but they have zero access to outsiders, such as professionals or playmates,” she explains. “This means that parents or carers never find out that there can be consequences from their unkind behaviors to children and children, in turn, never experience ordinary, non-abusing adults”

    This, then, can create a connection that has some elements of Stockholm syndrome, in which abducted individuals identify with all the abductor to ensure their own survival. “Some sufferers may differentiate themselves closely with all the abusing parents about whom they may feel, ironically, very protective,” states Dr Vizard.

    How can violent parents reconcile two sides of the lives?

    Professor Browne says double lives “can be indicative of a personality order, in which, say, a family person is sweet-as-can-be at home however, a tyrant behind closed doors”

    Picture copyrightfacebook
    Picture caption The Turpin family having the Elvis impersonator in Las Vegas, in which parents David and Louise renewed their vows

    Dr Vizard states: “You can find common mental mechanics, such as ‘splitting’ and ‘projection’, which all of us use to dismiss aspects of our very own bad behaviour or to attribute our bad behaviour to other people as being their own fault. Child victims may, consequently, believe it’s ‘ their fault’.”

    Sometimes people are able to utilize a version of faith to justify their activities, states Dr Gallagher, since they may convince themselves that a youngster is bad.

    How can such levels of misuse be unknown?

    A police officer who has also worked on slavery cases within her academic life , Prof Dando, states that when the victims have any contact with the outside world, anxiety can stop them making a bid for liberty.

    “For instance, modern slavery victims go to work daily. They don’t tell anyone and they interact with the general public, they give their money for their own counterparts. That’s the how they are being controlled – by dangers and exploitation,” she explains.

    From the Turpin instance, the children appear to not have obtained access to assist. They didn’t attend college and instead Mr Turpin registered a private college in their home.

    Dr Danya Glaser, a London-based kid and adult psychiatrist, said home-schooling can allow children to go off the radar. “There’s not anything inherently wrong with all home-schooling, however when there aren’t any inspections, it is possible to essentially wind up with hidden children,” she states.

    Dr Glaser states: “If you are aware there are children living next door to you and you won’t notice them or their behaviour is extremely odd, that should ring some bells.” She says people shouldn’t be scared to elevate their worries, via the government, the police, or even even a child abuse charity.

    “It doesn’t have to be a allegation, just a documented concern. That’s 1 thing everyone can learn from that.”

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