Mother tells children their father cheated on her – 9Honey

Celia always wanted to tell her children the truth about her divorce, but her honesty backfired on her.

As told to Victoria Bright.

My marriage lasted twelve years and for most of that time I thought we were happy. But then he had an affair – the first of several. I forgave him the first and even the second but the third time, which was with a woman who was a family friend of ours, I just couldn’t forgive. So I left him and even though it’s been five years, I still feel very upset whenever I think about him.

We have two gorgeous sons, who were aged nine and 11, when Dave and I broke up.  I made a vow to myself that I would always be very dignified, and I never spoke badly of their father.  The most I’d ever say, when they asked me what happened in our marriage, was that he was a bit difficult to be married to at times and that when they’re older they’ll understand.

So when they were sixteen, they were asking more and more questions. This coincided with me meeting my new partner Andrew whom I’m now engaged to.  My sons had a bit of trouble getting used to the idea of having a man in my life because, since the divorce, I’ve rarely dated, and they’re just used to seeing me as a single mum.

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Andrew is amazing and the boys tell me they like him, it’s just a lot of adjustment.  But having him around I believe is what has changed things pretty drastically and made the boys question why I’m re marrying and what happened with their father.  I decided to have a chat with the boys and tell them that their father gave me no choice – he had an affair with Mary, the woman he is now married to, and because he cheated on me, I left.

The boys seemed to understand and were both very sympathetic towards me.  One of my sons even said ‘I feel so sorry for you mum, it must have been really hard.’ So I thought they were on my side.

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But then they took this information to their father. And I wasn’t prepared for what unfolded. They’d spent the weekend with their dad and my eldest had told him what I had told them about him cheating on me.   So what did my ex do? He hit back! Instead of admitting that he had treated me badly, he told my boys that I’d driven him away by my constant nagging and that I’d turned into a ‘nasty piece of work’ who was neglecting the kids. He also told them that I had a gambling problem which was ridiculous – I’d gone to the casino with friends as a one-off and won $500 but that’s as far as my ‘gambling problem’ ever went.

So I had to put up with my kids wanting an explanation for all of that! I didn’t want to get into a ‘he said/she said’ scenario but I sat the kids down and quietly explained that their father was saying mean things to get back at me for telling them the truth about himself and Mary’s affair (and I didn’t even mention the previous two affairs!) 

I also told them that they can choose whom they want to believe but that I swear on my ‘grandmother’s grave’ that I am telling them the absolute truth.  Maybe their dad will do the right thing one day and tell them that I was being honest. But, for now, it looks like they want to believe their father.